Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
