I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
