Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
