Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm always down for nudity.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
