Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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