She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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