Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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