That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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