if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
