booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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