Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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