Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
