no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I did not marry a roomba.
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