Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
