there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
