I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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