Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize