They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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