u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
