Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
