Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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