i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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