My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
