My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
