i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
