If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
