I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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