sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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