just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
