Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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