So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
