Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
