The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
