Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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