I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i will never coherently bang her
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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