Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
