do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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