She's JV to your varsity
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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