I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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