dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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