so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
