dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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