bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
