just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
