Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
