I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
