If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
