The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Randomize
