Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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