so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
