We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
