Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
