I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
