K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
