I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize