Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize