I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize