that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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