At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I faked an abortion last night.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Fuck me I smell like cheese
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
