toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
